natashavc:

Jesus! This is a good day. A couple months ago we caught a LOLsies show at the UCB. There was this guy, this fucking revelatory guy, who dressed up like a hardened Dresden cocktail waitress and read off this list of drink orders during a bit. I have been thinking about this for two months and I just got a copy of it. BEHOLD:

a raspberry mojito
4 carbombs
a Dewar’s, neat n’ tidy
2 electric anchochile chipotle honey lime lemonades
a Bafferts’ and water
1 Aunt Pitty Pat’s Tattle Tale Porch Punch
2 ice cream martinis
a basket of hush puppies
an ahi mudslide
2 Daddy’s Little Secrets, hold the Compari
6 MotherFuckers
A Hat
2 Chicken Drinks
4 Whirlie Girlies
An Open-Faced Chocolate Chip Cherrio Cupcake Pie Margarita
A Regular Margarita
A Pussy Salad Shot
3 Ironic Toddlers
A Rape Whistle, with a side of Ranch
napkins
A Caucasian Chalk Circle
A Style Correspondent
2 Sharri Belafonte Harpers
1 Corona
A Long-Peckered Businessman
2 waters
A Pepperoni Pizza Quesadilla-tini
10 Fist-Fucked Girl Scouts

This is hilarious. Thanks, Natasha! “I’ll have 3 Ironic Toddlers and a Causasian Chalk Circle.”